An Ode to Balance
I mentioned in my last post that my word of the year was balance. Just a week in and I'm struggling already. I've always been someone who goes hot and cold. I get excited about writing and I spend every night penning my thoughts in Google drive. I try a new food, love it and suddenly it appears in EVERYTHING I make (just ask my family, they have not recovered from my “caramelized onion/raw onion/onion-makes-everything-tastier” kick, haha). I get hooked on a new album and suddenly it's on repeat in my car, at work, everywhere. Then just as quick as my fad obsessions come into my life, they leave (years without writing, hold the onions! OMG I cannot listen to Adele sing “Hello” one more fucking time without stabbing someone). Hot. Cold. So, you see why I need balance right? How did I decide I need balance? Funny story….
All through December I’ve been struggling with yoga poses that involve core (half moon, standing split, eagle) - I just can’t seem to master the breathing (which is something I actually have to consciously think about) and the core engagement. Advice from my wise yoga mentor? Balance. Focus on balance. Trust your balance.
Then I’m at work and I’m in this new job I totally love that keeps me busy and in the middle of a bunch of things (which is the perfect recipe for a happy Samantha) and I have this total day of meltdown where I feel like I can’t do anything right and I might not be cut out for this gig after all….and one of my friends gives me a balance pep talk. Chill. Breathe. Find some balance. He loves balance; it’s his favorite word. He doesn’t seem crazy stressy like I am….hmmm. There’s that fucking word again! Balance.
A day later, New Year’s Eve, I’m lamenting online to a workout friend about whether or not I’m burning enough calories to meet my goals (which are in a spreadsheet - yes I am that person) and she goes “Sam….you need to find some balance girlfriend. You’re doing great- ease up on the stress and the weight will continue to come off.”
So there you go - in the span of 72 hours I was badgered into accepting balance. LOL!
Now comes the hard part - HOW do I accept this as my word of the year and actually make some meaningful changes? I think at the root of any change you wish to make is finding what drives the need for change. For me at this point in my life that driver is the anxious/obsessiveness I feel on a daily basis.
I have spent a significant amount of time working on myself in the last few years. It's not something I'm ashamed to say; as Rascal Flatts sings "I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons". I made peace with my past a long time ago and I won't let it screw up my present. I stopped berating myself for past mistakes. I stopped hating myself for not being like other women. I stopped needing to be liked all the time. I stopped give a fuck what people thought about the things I share. I decided that I was amazing and anyone who couldn't see that simply wasn't worth another second of my time. It didn't happen overnight but the person I am today is light-years away from the person I was 3 or 4 years ago.
So I think the key to embracing balance lies in adopting the same attitude. Feeling stress and anxious? I must be out of balance! Pause, decompress, fix what's out of alignment, hit play, try again.
Wish me luck!