I mentioned one of my intentions this year (remember I'm vowing not to say resolutions!) was to seek love. I got a little flack from well-meaning friends. "What does that *mean*, Sam? ""Aren't you being too vague?". I guess it warrants a little explanation.
Years ago (2011?) I resolved on New Year's Eve to be the kind that attracts my kind. From then to now my kind (and me!) have changed so much. I've evolved on every front and lost some things I once held sacred along the way (any good transformation will do that to you I suppose). The last few years have pushed my boundaries and really made me question what I see my future being (and how what I do today contributes to that life). Previously I would date someone simply because they were interested in me (and then I would convince myself I could fall for them if I tried hard enough) or worse I would date someone who wasn't emotionally available and our relationship would be shrouded in secrecy. No good comes from either of those situations.
One of my favorite quotes is from Sex and the City where Carrie is in Paris and says "I'm looking for love, real love, ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't live without each other love!" Preach, girl.
At this point in my life I want so much more than what I've had in the past. But, I'm also looking for so much more than just physical attraction (although truth be told nice eyes can make me weak in the knees ala SWV! Haha).
The partner I want to be with is strong (and I don't mean physically, although that is always a plus); he's not a pansy. [I once had a guy start sobbing when I asked where our relationship was going. No. Just no.] He's smart and witty. He totally "gets" me (and my quirks) ~ we have inside jokes. He makes me laugh. He likes my family and friends. He makes time for me (and doesn't make me feel like an option). He understands that I'm math challenged, that I get all crazy stressy sometimes and he knows how to calm me down when I reach this state. He's someone I get excited to see and even more excited to come home to. He feels like home.
Keeping all that in mind I've become someone who is strong. My feelings used to be hurt SO EASILY. God, I cried over everything from how someone looked at me to the tone in an email. I've toughened up quite a bit. I took on challenging projects at work and I rocked them (and made those involved love me without compromising who I was at my core). I focused on being happy on the inside, which in turn made me happy on the outside. I worked hard on being authentic versus what I thought the people in my life wanted me to be. I honed my listening skills. Anyone can talk (and everyone knows I do my fair share, haha) but good partners listen and key on things that are important. I pushed myself to learn how to bake and then how to cook because I love the idea of cooking for my husband. This past holiday season I cooked nearly everything at Thanksgiving and then everything at Christmas - and it was hella tasty if I do say so myself. ;)
I have put in the work to become the person I want to be ~ I like my job (some days I even love it) but I don't bring the office home. I'm social and always up for seeing friends but I'm also totally fine staying home watching movies or playing Scrabble. I love my family and they will always be important to me, and spending time with them will always be a priority. I love exercising (and I found some place to feed that love!) and I feel better when I keep myself on schedule with exercise/healthy eating/sleep. I've actually reached the goals I set out from a personal evolution standpoint. I am finally the person I wanted to be when I meet my forever partner. Crazy huh?!
So this year's intention will be to seek love and hope that Rumi's famous line is true and love will be seeking me right back. I know I'll never be perfect, but perfection isn't the goal. Maintaining this level of happiness while in a relationship is the goal. Everything up until now has happened to bring me to this point and whatever unfolds next will be exciting and open me up to someplace new.
Do you think it's possible to seek love? Can you reach a point where you're ready for the next step in your life and allowing the universe to take the reins? I think so and this will be my meme du jour: