Confession: this blog title was totally inspired by that Justin Bieber song and while I realize he's singing to a vain ex-girlfriend I'm applying the phrase to the act of actually loving yourself, despite your flaws (or perhaps because of your flaws?). I mentioned all the self-help work I've done in a previous post and some of it has been seriously learning to love myself so that I can allow someone else to love me.
Sitting here it sounds so silly that I had to convince myself I was amazing, but I did. I've been overweight since I was little and that led to serious overcompensation in other areas of my life. I had to be smarter, more sarcastic, funnier, I had to work harder than my co-workers to prove my worth (in my head). I was that person signing up for extra projects, staying late, compromising having a life just to prove I was more than just a cute, fat chick (make no mistake, I have always been cute despite my fatness, haha). Guess where that led me? No place good. I gained more weight and became more miserable - truly a vicious cycle. I got to a place where eating my feelings was the only way to self-soothe my perceived shortcomings.
Breaking that cycle happened gradually, like most good things do. Day by day nothing seemed different but then I look back and realize I'm somewhere completely new. I stopped turning to food and worked through my feelings. I rarely overcompensate now. I still work my ass off at my job but I also don't take my work home*. I got to a place where scheduling workouts and carving out time to decompress at the end of a day was just as important as the 86 meetings I scheduled during the week. I accepted that my work and my self-worth were not one in the same.
*Sidenote: if you are taking your work home I seriously recommend you stop. Your job is not going to keep you warm at night or take care of you when you're sick. Remember that.
Around the same time that I got my work/life balance under control I stopped comparing myself to everyone around me- who cares if someone is prettier or thinner? Comparison is the true thief of joy. Being the best version of myself should be my only focus. I once read you should never compare your behind-the-scenes to someone's highlight reel and all I can say is #preach! Do you know what I post on Facebook/Instagram? Small snippets of my day, miniscule in fact. I don't post about the mundane, boring parts of my day and I rarely complain because frankly, who gives a fuck!? I'm happy to share things that make me happy and in turn that leads to more happiness! Huzzah!
So, here I sit, on a freezing cold Valentine's Day and I can say without hesitation that I love myself. I'm bossy, I always want my own way, I'm a crazy planner (I love to make a schedule) but I'm also sweet and thoughtful and a total catch. How did I waste so many years wishing I could be someone or something more when I'm so freaking awesome?!
From a physical standpoint I'm finally seeing positive changes in my body that make me appreciate how far I've come over the last few months with consistent exercise and healthy eating. I ALMOST have visible collar bones supported by strong shoulders. My ghetto booty is actually getting smaller for the first time ever and I'm nearly at the point where my stomach is flatter than my boobs! Who gets excited over these tiny changes? I do!
Please take a moment today and reflect on the reasons why you love yourself. If you're having trouble finding a reason turn to your inner circle and let them remind you what's so amazing about you! ❤