Love Song for No One
Love him or hate him, do me a favor and listen to this John Mayer song. It's the preamble in the acoustic version that gets me every time. "This is a song about uh talking to the person that you haven't even met yet and uh maybe they're rolling around in the hay with someone else but they're not as good as you'll be! You've just got to wait your turn. She's out there, he's out there they're just learning what to contrast you against". Preach John, preach.
I've recently opened myself up to the crazy, intimidating world of dating and in a short time it's taught me so much about myself that I didn't expect. I came into this thinking I knew EXACTLY what qualities I needed/wanted in another person...then I meet someone who embodies those things and I feel nothing. Or worse I realize that good on paper doesn’t translate to good chemistry. This process of refining my preferences is frustratingly maddening sometimes. What are my deal breakers? What things am I willing to concede on? Should I even have to concede if it’s meant to be? I feel like I’m on a website searching for the perfect shoes and all I know is how they feel versus what they look like. Silly I know, but that is the best analogy I can offer at the moment. :)
Sometimes I pause and think "Am I actually open? Am I really ready for this?" then I turn to my girl Danielle LaPorte and I find this gem:
I have made space in my life for him....in whatever form he's arriving. Until he does arrive I feel like I am writing a love song - for no one. “Searching all my days just to find you, not sure who I’m looking for - I’ll know it when I see you” sums up exactly how I feel. I’ve spent so much time working on myself. I am perfectly happy with who I am as a person (which I really feel like is vital to being in a successful relationship). I am so ready to find my other half and write the next chapter in the book of *Sam, alas he’s not here yet. So I continue with the balance of evolving individually while trying to remain open to possibilities. It’s harder than it looks sometimes!
I totally subscribe to the mentality of whatever is meant to be will be (and is already set in motion). I fully believe that things unfold in a certain order to help you grow and evolve into the person you are meant to be - however that means the inevitable accepting of not getting what you want at the moment because it’s not meant to be in the long run (a hard pill to swallow sometimes!).
A friend taught me the value of finding the lesson in every new challenge. For now these are the take-aways I’ve jotted down:
- There is no one that I have been with in the past that I wish was still my present or my future. I can truly say I have closure with every romantic possibility that has left my life.
- I do not have a “type” but I definitely have characteristics I’m attracted to (nice eyes, sarcastic sense of humor, masculine energy, assertive). I like decision makers. I like guys who are just as comfortable quoting “Love Actually” as they are explaining sports jokes to me.
- I want to be with someone who wants to be with me, I don’t have time for games or drama or ambivalence. In or out. I’m not 24, I don’t want to wonder what you’re thinking or overanalyze your texts with my girlfriends. (Not saying I won’t do those things anyways….but I don’t want to be forced to because you’re ambivalent! Haha).
- I don't ever want to apologize for being professionally successful, driven or strong-willed. I also never want to be with someone who is intimidated by these qualities. I worked hard to get where I am in my career and someone who can’t appreciate that isn’t worth my energy.
- There is a point in the “getting to know each other” banter where I realize I cannot see myself with the other person long-term. Despite what my friends say, once I reach this point it isn’t worth continuing in my opinion. You have strong feelings about XYZ (kids, money, religion), I do too and those feelings don’t jive. Why should either of us have to compromise on something we hold sacred?
For now I will continue putting myself out into the world and be optimistic that somewhere, someone is looking for exactly what I have to offer (and continue singing my "Love Song for No One" while I wait). <3