The Highest Tide
I've been dying to post using this song and during my many car rides to my happy place (Studio Poise, course) I have listened to it 4 million times and probably cried 3.9 million of those. The song was featured at the end of an episode of "Night Shift" and it just knocked me right on my ass the way only a perfectly crafted ballad can. Please download "The Highest Tide" by The Wealthy West! "If humility is the thing I've been needing, Well, I've got enough to last Maybe it's time that I try something dangerous ..... But only if you have my back
During the highest tide, while the water is rising Will you still keep me in your sight?"
It's easy to talk about the exciting parts of the weight-loss "journey" (major eye roll, hate that term) I've been on the last ten months. New clothes, non-scale victories, budding collar bones, strong body - all amazing, exciting things. However, the emotional parts are so difficult to share. Vulnerability is a bitch.
Opening yourself up and saying "This hurts....and I need to share to make it stop hurting" is something I've previously done only in small, select circles (Jewels, Layne, Derek/Mom/Dad). However, there is something truly liberating about sharing the pieces of you that aren't pretty and sparkly with people you trust.In the last few weeks I have had so many conversations where I am 100% unfiltered with my feelings and it's been AMAZING. I mean, terrifying but also really amazing.
I keep joking about this but I am not the person I once was. In fact, after reading old journals I've realized I'm not even sure who she was. I've discarded so many things I once held sacred about myself and I've left a few pages blank - open for interpretation. That said I can only do this if i know someone has my back. I truly believe people come into your life for a reason and my life is currently composed of the amazing potpourri of people. (Sidenote: What ever happened to potpourri?! I feel like it just stopped being a thing people did, like pegging their pants or wearing side ponies. RIP potpourri.). These people (some from the most unlikely of places) are the constant reminder that I am exactly where I need to be, doing what I need to do to get to my ultimate goal. They celebrate my victories but they also wipe my tears (so, so many tears), quell my fears and remind me of how far I've come. <3
Three years ago today I wrote in my private journal that I felt so broken and I didn't know how to feel whole again so I bought this cute tchotchke from Soul Candy and left it on my desk where I could see it every day as a reminder:
We just moved into a different building at work and I found it, tucked away with birthday cards I've saved and the most ridiculous stack of recycled napkins ever. I paused, a loooong pause and I decided it was no longer necessary. I am not broken. I have put myself back together, better and stronger than before. I decided it was best suited in the trash and I replaced it with a note (which if you know me you will know I love writing notes!):
Dear Everyone in my Life,
I'm currently trudging through a hidden ocean of emotional baggage I've recently unearthed. Please stand on the shore line where I can see you while I make my way back to dry land. I won't look like the same person, but you'll know me when you see me.
Yesterday I saw this truthbomb (and you guys know Danielle LaPorte is my guru) and I thought "Fuck yes!":
I will continue creating communion, sharing the things that are tough to share because I know they are the sandpaper my soul needs and maybe, just maybe someone reading them takes solace in knowing they are not alone. <3