We Don't Talk Anymore
I was driving home Wednesday thinking about someone I used to call every day on my way home to recap my day with and "We Don't Talk Anymore" came on. Though not 100% applicable (since my someone was just a friend) it still seemed like an appropriate song for today's blog. He was a great friend and gave me a Swarovski shooting star for Christmas one year that still hangs from my rearview mirror more a decade later. (I'm on my 4th car since we used to talk)! The creative process for writing a blog (and soon to be a book!) is funny for me. I have 4 million ideas, written all fragmented and spazzy in a Google Docs folder titled "Musings". As I think of things I jot down notes that I will some times expand upon, sometimes transform and sometimes just chuckle and discard. Do you remember the episode of Sex and City where Carrie wasn't having sex and couldn't decide what to write about? "Last night, I actually started writing about my sock drawer. Men as socks. "Socks and the City.". Yes.
I wrote "Someone I used to know / car / why don't we talk anymore?" a few months ago and today I can finally use it! A few years ago I was in a grocery store parking lot waiting for my mom and I watched a woman in her car violently sobbing while listening to "Somebody That I Used to Know" on full blast with the windows down in November. I remember Facebooking that I wanted to hug her, offer a tissue, SOMETHING but instead I stayed put and silently sent her my solace. My friend Caprill commented and it was so poignant it stuck with me all this time later. She said "Sometimes they need to become people you used to know in order for you to move on". Girl, so true! <3
Since Wednesday I've been thinking about those conversations we no longer share coupled with the recollection of that very private moment I witnessed got me thinking about people who have left my life. Isn't it so funny how someone (be it a boyfriend, lover, friend, colleague) can be such a HUGE part of your life one day then gone the next? Sometimes it happens slowly....you grow apart, your interests change, they move away, you move away, one or both of you move on. Other times it's a gut-wrenching band-aid-ripped-off-too-soon ending that leaves a scar on your soul. No matter how it ends there is always that moment in time where something randomly makes you think of them (be it a song, a quote, something funny you know they'd appreciate) and you pause for reflection. Could they still exist in your life now? Would they even work with the person you are today? For me the answer is usually no in which case I send a silent nod through the universe for them to be well and I move on.
Sometimes I just want the intimacy back, the kind you develop because you know someone so well you can be yourself without fear of being judged. Chemistry (in the form of friendship or a relationship) is so hard to find and impossible to fake. It's not based on the hobbies you have or the boxes you check, or even how long you've known each other - it's about how your quirks vibe with someone else's quirks. I consider myself rather quirky so anytime I find someone I can be myself around (and not have to explain my sarcasm to!) I hold them in a little higher regard than normal. Cheers to the people who you're thankful to know and those you don't talk to anymore because they helped shape who you are today. <3