Hey Jealousy

Hey Jealousy

I absolutely love 90's music. If you were to sum up the top 5 identifying qualities of *Sam they would be sparkles/stars, iced coffee, giggling, baking and 90's music. Gin Blossoms are easily one of the best bands from this genre (yes, 90's music is both a decade AND a genre! ;)). I saw them play in 1998 and then again in 2013; they were incredible both times. "Hey Jealousy" is one of their best songs although my favorite is "Found Out About You". Jealousy is such a funny and fickle emotion. It comes out of nowhere, punches you in the gut and makes you question your sanity. Lately when I find myself green with envy I have been trying to pause and diagnose the root cause (in another lifetime I did tech support, I'll chalk that phrase up to those years, lol). Why do I feel this way? Why am I comparing myself to someone else? Is something else bothering me? I've been transparent in the things I strive to improve about myself and one of them is the constant comparison. Why do we do this as women? Do men do it too? It's fucking exhausting.

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One of my mom's  bits of wisdom growing up was "Don't be envious of what someone else has unless you're willing to do what they did to get it". Sometimes that can mean hard work and sacrifice; sometimes it can mean taking roads I wouldn't be willing to take just to get to the desired end result. I chose to focus on my career in my twenties (if I'm honest with myself and you it was because it was the one thing I could easily control. Relationships weren't easy for me (I was the queen of the friend zone) and I hadn't yet figured out how good I could feel if I took care of my body. My career was the one plant I religiously watered).  Now I have friends who joke they would kill to make great money and have the flexibility in scheduling that I do. But would they have wanted to be in a job so technical it made their head swim where they had to put in the 60+ hr weeks and carry a pager? Would they want to work for people who questioned their every move and doubted their ability for years before they could prove themselves? Likely not. The view from the outside always looks better.

Speaking of the view from the outside, right around my birthday this year (January 30th, Aquarius....mostly accurate, lol), I was having a hard time accepting where I was in life. I am a planner, a project manager, and I like checklists. Well, on my checklist of life all I have checked is a career. No cute husband, no kids, no house of my own. Suddenly I was feeling super down on myself. I was at my Saturday double and I saw one of the teachers whom I adore because she is SO bubbly, Chrissy. Since I'm all about being honest she's also someone I am crazy jealous of because she just seems to effortlessly have it all (fierce body, pretty face, cute husband, adorable baby, successful career, teaching kickass classes @ SP,  - like WTF?). She noticed I was "off" and we had a little heart-to-heart where I confessed I was dreading 34 because of my single status and she assured me I was amazing, 34 would be the best and that having a husband and a child and full-time job isn't always as easy as it looks - in fact some days it's down right exhausting. Her honesty was so refreshing and she totally made my day. We've since become closer and she's shared with me the anxiety she lives with. You'd NEVER know it by looking at her - but she faces a seriously tough battle on a daily basis and OWNS it. Just goes to show that the view from the outside is just that - a view. You never know what someone is going through on the inside. You never know that they may be struggling in their own way while looking perfectly composed. ❤

Jealousy, as fruitless as it seems can teach you a lot about yourself. Next time you find yourself green with envy pause and pull it apart. What is it that you're envious of? Remember my favorite quote from Baz Luhrman - "Don't waste your time on jealousy. Some times you're ahead, some times you're behind. The race is long and in the end it's only with yourself.". Refocus your energies on yourself and improving your own view. Make this your mantra (because I promise I'm working to make it mine):

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