True Dreams of Wichita
When I was 17 I worked at Newbury Comics and so many of my favorite songs to this date were artists I discovered during this time. Soul Coughing's "Ruby Vroom" will always be a favorite album of theirs. "True Dreams of Wichita" reminds me of aimless drives on summer nights learning about life and love. I included it on a weekend playlist and it brought me back in all the best ways. Sometimes it's nice to be reminded of who you were during your "formative" years!
I had a lovely, relaxing weekend. I wrote, I cooked, I sweat ~ perfection. I get in a frenzy of writing (for the book, for the blog, just to WRITE) and I have these moments of reflection. I think about my growth as a person - it's so much more than the scale or feeling prettier or liking who I've become. It's about unbecoming someone I was for so long. I once joked that this whole "journey" (eye roll, another term I hate because it was ruined by Biggest Loser) has a surprise component when you start peeling back the layers of insulation you built over the years.You discover a plethora of things you didn't realize had such an impact on the person you are. I've been making great strides as of late with the unbecoming of who I was and I realized it's because I've been brutally honest with myself.
I accept the mistakes and missteps I've made; I allow myself to have do-overs. I've realized that's it's OK (and perfectly normal) to outgrow people, things, places. It's OK to say "that affected me but it not longer has to effect the person I am". That's part of life, growth. All that said I think it's very easy to meet me today and think "Oh wow, she has a long way to go".
Who I am today is not who I may be tomorrow or next week. If you're meeting me for the first time you may love or you may hate me....the same could be said for any other time in my life.
Last chapter of the *Sam story I worked on letting go. This chapter I have to work on unbecoming. Unbecoming the person I've been at work, in certain relationships and most importantly, in my mind. The process of unbecoming might be harder than the process of letting go was. It requires compassion (something I have loads of for other people, notsomuch an abundance for myself, haha) and it requires courage to step up and say "This is who I want to be". I saw this and it just hit home. <3
Getting up every day and figuring out which things will contribute to my day and my overall happiness and which will detract is a chore and it requires effort but it will be worth it in the end and I know it. <3