Let Me Love You
I used to hate Justin Bieber with a passion - then Layne got me to listen to "Sorry" and it was over - I was hooked. His newest album is SO catchy and full of so many gems....I was a "Beliber" (I died a little inside writing this, 17 yr-old Sam with her funky hair and crazy emo bands is cringing). "Let Me Love You" is my favorite radio jam currently. " Don't you give up, nah-nah-nah... I won't give up, nah-nah-nah. Let me love you" just kept coming to my brain when I was penning this entry so I had to use it!
I've been doing a lot of work on myself over the last few weeks. Uncovering similarities in my past that I didn't realize existed then trying to figure out why the same things have been repeating for so long unbeknownst to me. One of my favorite quotes:
I've changed a ton over the last 17 years of my life....but one thing has literally been exactly the same. My love life. I have repeated the same pattern in every, single relationship from when I was 17 to present day. I won't bore you with the details - but when you sit down and catalog the lessons learned from each person you've opened your heart to....something crazy happens. Patterns emerge. You realize you've been living this same "day" over and over....and let me tell you - it's a fucking wake-up call. Big time. I've been saying I was ABC but instead selling myself short for DEF because something was better than nothing right? And this little piece of me (the bitchy piece) thought I didn't deserve to be loved because of my weight. I thought I just wasn't worthy of love.
I have let my size dictate my life for nearly 50% of the time I've inhabited the earth. How INSANE does that sound?!
So, I'm stopping. Now. I will let myself be loved - actually loved and guess what? I will hold out until I find said love. I won't settle for an ambiguous "something", I won't be just "someone" - I will be someone special. I AM someone special. I will stop settling for "a little" because as one of my favorite truthbombs goes " Settling for crumbs doesn't keep you fed - it keeps you starving".