"Little Talks" by Of Monsters and Men was a super catchy radio tune for a bit. I bought the album and while I wasn't disappointed it was definitely the best song of the bunch. I'm pretty sure it's about a girl who moves into an old house and starts having conversations with ghosts but it always makes me think of the little voice inside your head that has a running monologue about your life - and what pieces you choose to vocalize.
Over the weekend I was fortunate to hang out with a new friend I met at Studio Poise. Emaly is a fellow foodie, aspiring blogger and totally no bullshit (3 things I totally adore in a person!). After exchanging a bunch of messages back and forth we decided to grab breakfast at my favorite diner post-sweaty workout Sunday morning. There's something so fun about getting to know a new friend better and during our chat I started thinking about the things you choose to reveal or not reveal about your past. There are the obvious ones - family stats, where'd you grow up, parents married? what do you do for work? etc. etc.....but then there's the personal things like your love life (or in my case, lack thereof), goals, dreams etc. How much do you choose to share with someone you've just met? I'm a big believer in being authentic and also that vulnerability creates community (from Danielle LaPorte's truthbomb, above).
However, do the stories you tell about your past shape your future and if so, what are you saying?
I've been thinking a lot about these things after taking on an exercise where I had to write down the bullshit racket I was telling myself and living by. I didn't think I had one....but I started writing and holy mackerel, it was deep. I'll spare you the elaborate details but suffice to say I carry around this "fat girl is insecure and needs to try harder to win you over" baggage that is literally suffocating me in my relationships. I've had it since I was 17 or so and since that's half my life I'd say it's high time I get the fuck over it, eh?
So at breakfast on Sunday I thoughtfully paused before telling "my story". I was honest but I didn't dwell in the negative. I shared pieces that I would be happy to end up in my future and I opted not to share the things I've worked hard to put in my rear-view. I'm a work in a progress and completely honest about that journey - but I realized that honesty doesn't mean sharing the demons. You can be honest, vulnerable even without being self-deprecating. And now that I've shared this version of my story it gets easier to retell. There are the people that have known and lived the gory details right along with me (and I love them for it) but not everyone needs that unfiltered version.
I'm excited to see my 2017 story unfold but possibly more excited to let go of the racket I've carried for so long. Do you have one? Is it serving you? (hint: probably not). ;)