I Don't Want To Wait
There are so many songs about waiting, it's almost comical. I was torn between Mat Kearney "Wait" and Mumford and Songs "I Will Wait" but I settled on the throwback jam "I Don't Want to Wait" by Paula Cole because it's been on SIrius XM a bunch lately and is totally stuck in my head!
It's no secret that patience is not my strong suit....in fact I tried to embrace patience as my word of the year and guess what? I have failed MISERABLY! I'm just not someone who is a graceful waiter. You know those people in lines at the post office rolling their eyes and sighing to themselves? I'm that person. If you tell me I can't have something yet....UGH - the agony kills me. I'm basically a child sometimes. Haha.
Well, life doesn't care about my wants or my timetable right now. I have two huge facets of my life about to get a makeover - but not yet. Things to line up in a certain way in order for me to move on in these areas. One is my love life. I have more work I need to do before I seek out future husband. There is emotional baggage I need to stop carrying in order to be the person I have wanted to be for so long. And that baggage just doesn't disappear because I will it to (God knows I've tried that - before I go to bed "Please Universe...make me wake up and no longer feel XYZ"). Alas, shit ain't that easy. And really it's not fair to bring baggage from your past into your future - someone loving you shouldn't have to make up for the hurt of the people who didn't or couldn't love you. (Sidenote: I might have more to say about this in a future blog).
So I was sitting here, grumbling to myself about timing and patience and waiting and I reminded myself that I vowed to be MORE patient this year (see this entry, where I declared it back on December 22). Mmm yup. that was the goal of the year. We're how many weeks in? 10. Time to refocus. Remember why I started with these goals to begin with. How can I embrace the "in between"? How can I appreciate the growth season I need to go through? How can I stop trying to fast forward something I'm not ready for or that isn't ready for me? How can I stop rushing and just trust the universe?
I need a few things:
- A timeline showing what I CAN do (such a Project Manager, haha). There are measurable steps I can take to help these goals along, let's make sure I give them my ALL.
- Friends to remind me of my goals (thanks ladies, you know I love you!)
- A constant reminder to embrace this whole patience thing for a bit - because I'm a visual person.
A quick Google and I found this - which just could not be more perfect. Thank you, Jamie! It's now my background!
Cheer me along as I emody all that is patience and live the art of waiting. <eye roll> ;)