To Leave Something Behind
Sometimes I hear a song and it just hits me in a way that stirs up so many emotions I didn't know I was suppressing. I recently watched "The Accountant" (great flick, highly recommended!) and the song "To Leave Something Behind" by Sean Rowe was featured in one especially poignant scene. It was a combo of the line "There is a beast who has taken my blame
You can put me to bed but you can't feel my pain, When the machine has taken the soul from the man. It's time to leave something behind" and Sean's deep raspy voice that really got me.
I feel like the last year of my life has been a metamorphosis (and I hate myself for using such a dramatic word but it really best fit what I was trying to convey). I shed a lot of things that no longer serve me (jobs, friendships, weight) and now I'm getting to the core of who I want to be and what I want my life to look like. However, that isn't nearly as easy or freeing as it seems like it should be. Suddenly I have to define myself and it makes me realize how many labels no longer apply or simply aren't how I want to be known. I was once known as "Samantha who sparkles" and that has been one of my favorite definitions to date! ;)
I was recently helping a friend with his resume (one of my hidden talents, I craft a mean resume) - as we got towards the end of our time together I did a quick "where we started / where we are now" comparison. I'm big on checking progress as I move through a task. Cleaning a space - pause - does it look more organized or have I just moved shit from pile A into pile B? Applying makeup - stop half way through - does skin look even? Natural light vs. artificial light look the same? If yes - proceed. Haha. So I pulled up his original resume and then my version and he laughed and said I was an artiste - I made him sound SO good. Now mind you, all of my friends are uniquely fabulous otherwise they wouldn't be my friends. But, he was right...one of my "labels" I wear proudly is my ability to finding the thing everyone is best at. I'm an observant person and I pick up on things I think most people gloss over. I'm also huge on passing along 'warm fuzzies" or where needed, constructive criticism. I want everyone I know to be the best version of themselves because I am always striving to be the best version of myself I can be.
Those are the things I want to leave behind. I want to be someone who leaves people and places better than she found them. I want someone to look back on our time together be it in a work environment during a 6 month long project or in a 60 minute fitness class and say "I am better for having spent time with *Sam - she noticed how far I've come or appreciated that extra mile I went to get something done etc.". I want to be someone who lifts people up - since there are plenty of downers/"energy vampires" out there already!
So how do I do that? I need to show up - not just be someplace but actually show up and live in the moment and appreciate what's unfolding and what I can contribute to it. One of my favorite quotes:
Cheers to making the most of every day and leaving things behind that make me proud.