Might Not

Might Not

The winter has been a struggle, on so many levels. I'm 6 months into a full-time work from home position and finding it really hard to adjust to this new life on so many fronts. As someone who's incredibly social it's really isolating and draining to spend 10+ hrs a day in the same room….alone. My job is also super busy and I'm finding it difficult to balance my workout schedule and healthy eating with the demands of work especially when the company is west-coast based. I started the year with all these goals and realized yesterday I'm pretty far from where I expected to be at this point in the year. How did I get so off track?

I need a reset so I booked a staycation from April 3-7. As luck would have it I spent the weekend before a much anticipated staycation with a gross stomach bug. WTF?? LOlL. Sunday night was the first time I emerged from the house and I caught “Might Not" by Belly and the Weeknd on the radio. I want to hate his music but it's so damn catchy I can't resist.

"I might not make it....this time I might not make it" echoed over and over through my speakers and then was stuck in my head for a few hours.

Suddenly I had a serious momentary pause where I thought “maybe I won't make my goals this year….maybe I'm that person that's always striving for better but never QUITE makes it. Maybe the struggle IS the story?”.

Pulling into my driveway I thought “yeah no - fuck that”. Just because the big goals (goal size, debt free, future husband) aren't arriving EXACTLY on my timetable doesn't mean they'll never arrive. I'm such a planner that sometimes it's detrimental to my growth. If I can't have something EXACTLY the way I envisioned it, I'm often uninterested.

I need to be committed to my goals but open and flexible on how and when I reach them. Fierce but flexible should be the motto of April! Sometimes delays are introduced for reasons you can't see at the time and yield better results than you could have hoped for.

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So I'm not hitting my milestones as quickly as I planned….why? Perhaps I was unrealistic in my timeline. There's a concept in project management of the best case scenario / worst case scenario averaging out to find the most likely scenario. I operate in best case scenario mode 24/7. I leave 0 room for slack then I'm devastated by a missed goal. I need to reassess these things I'm driving towards and allow for some realistic slip. Life is not perfect. I am not perfect. Of course accepting that is easier said than done….. :)

However in my work life during the projects I manage I always plan a buffer into my timelines. The variables that can cause a deadline to move are innumerable and with technology happen often. I need to plan that buffer into my life. So it's April and I'm not quite where I expected on my debt repayment. Did I incur NEW debt? Nope. Did I build up a really healthy nest egg for emergencies? Yes. Awesome. Move the dates out accordingly and call it a day. Have I totally fallen off the healthy bandwagon? No no, I'm just on a little detour and confident that I can get back to a planned schedule and making excellent meal choices during the next week. Have I miss an opportunity that could have led to love? I doubt it. While I haven't been actively dating I have been working on myself and keeping myself open to things I'd normally be closed off from. I've also accepted that some people can't play bigger roles in your life, no matter how much you wish they could. It's like when a supporting character in a story suddenly gets their own spin-off. Rarely does it work because the original dynamic is lost. Sometimes people are on the sidelines in your story for a reason. :-)

So that's my mindset coming into April….and as always I'll outline a few goals to tackle:

  •   Get back in the swing of meal prep, especially breakfast/lunches!
  •   Kick ass both during the SPring It On challenge at Studio Poise as well as in gym workouts
  •   Get ready to try dating again. I have a few girlfriends ready to help with this and since they ultimately met their husbands via online dating I'll be looking to their other halves for feedback on what I put out onto the world. Who better to help me find love than couples in love!?

So I might not make my goals in the perfect schedule I outlined, but I WILL make them happen. I'm excited to for spring and to put the first quarter of 2017 in my rearview and move forward!

 

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