Time Marches On
I forget if I mentioned here but I grew up listening to old school country music (thanks Mom & Dad!). As a result every so often I get a song stuck in my head and it will be something I am super unlikely to hear on the radio. The other day it was "Time Marches On" by Tracy Lawrence, circa 1996!
All of a sudden it's March and everything seems to be moving so fast…. And I realize the world never stands still, not for a second, not while we crush goals or work on improving ourselves or catch our breath. Time just flows and we can either embrace it or fight it - the time is going to pass regardless.
‘In this life we are all just walking up the mountain, and we can sing as we climb, or we can complain about our sore feet. Whichever we choose, we still have to do the hike. I decided a long time ago, singing made a lot more sense.’
I sing in the car, every day (drives my brother NUTS lol). I consider myself a generally happy person. I try to see the bright side. I try to find the positive in life's challenges. I remember how far I've come - in my career, in my weight loss, in my quest for health, in my debt repayment… in life.
But sometimes I'm just not there. I'm not that little ray of sunshine and I can't fake it. I'm not where I thought I'd be by this time in my life. And I'm overanalyzing…. And I'm on the elliptical and I'm cursing the minutes because really, who likes the stupid elliptical? and I have a moment of self doubt and I start to spiral ….. . I wonder if I took too long to get here. Did taking the longer road cost me things like a husband and kids? Did I miss out on my chance to start a family because I was focusing on work and crushing goals and getting my life in order? Was I late? Late to my own party? I'm not sure that's possible…. But that's where my brain goes as my legs are about to fall off on this damn elliptical.
And I finish my cardio and I'm stretching and considering the options and decide it boils down to 2 choices -
- I missed out on meeting the love of my love and having a family and at 36 this is as good as it gets.
- I'm being absurd and ridiculous and the world is still my oyster.
I like option 2 better.
I like the idea that everything I've done and am still doing is preparing me for someone fabulous who will be a kickass partner and father to our future children. I asked the universe for this person - someone who was smart, successful and sarcastic - sometime who gave great hugs and loved my cooking… Someone who encouraged my personal growth while keeping me grounded when I got crazy. I have to believe that person exists and as the time passes I'm evolving into what he was looking for so when we meet…. Serendipity. Now, I might be an optimist but I'm not naive, I know he will have just as many annoying things I have to learn to love as I have (like how I literally can't buy just ONE thing in the grocery store, ever or I get really bitchy when we don't do things my way or I like to constantly plan and want everyone on board with said plans which results in me being a bit of a pain in the ass. Haha). I'm an optimist and a realist at the same time.
So time will march on (March pun unintended but funny!) and I will continue goal digging, evolving, changing and do my best to embrace "now" - and maybe learn to love the elliptical? (Unlikely). :)