2018 was a year of….suck. Straight up there is no way to sugarcoat it!
I haven’t blogged since April and when the renewal for my domain came in October I was in NO mood to blog; but I renewed hoping that feeling would pass. It has, thankfully!
So at the end of every year I take inventory on what went well and what didn’t. I’m the afraid the “didn’t go as planned” list is far longer, my friends.
Word of the year was unstoppable - and I joked with Jewels that I failed at that and she countered that conversely I WAS unstoppable - I did persevere through obstacles thrown my way. It wasn’t pretty or graceful - no one is making a Hollywood movie about it...but I survived.
Goals were as follows:
aving and planning for my first home!! I plan to buy my first house in 2018 so I need to continue saving and be open to what the real estate gods deliver.
Taking a few - much-needed vacations! Actual weeks away, long weekends,, road trips - I'm all in this year!
Embracing the best Sam I can be - exercising, hitting my macros, iterating when I hit snags and not giving up. I don't necessarily need to a number or a size but I do need to feel like I am the healthiest and happiest version of myself I can be.
Continuing to believe in love - romantic, familial, friendly ~ 2018 will be the year of LOVE!
Leaning in. Sometimes I hold back on letting myself come apart or tell someone I miss them or celebrating a little victory. This year I will lean in - all the way. I might strike out, but I also might get a homerun. Also that's the most sporty analogy I've ever made and I'm proud of myself.
Here’s how I did - and why I failed (because the why is more important than the how) -
Saving and planning for my first home!! Saved - yes, paid off school loans - also yes. Did not buy home - for many reasons both financial and familial.
Taking a few - much-needed vacations! Did not leave the blessed state once. Dad got sick in May and my girl’s trip with mom was delayed to October then the timing just just not work. Other trips that were discussed just didn’t work out for one reason or another.
Embracing the best Sam I can be - I actually OVERDID it with exercise and ended up injuring myself - first with extreme waves of dizziness / headaches then with a strained blood vessel behind my eye benching me from benching (ha) for a while and causing me to reflect on how hard I push my body without any rest. I always think I can get 1 hr less sleep or do one more task etc. On the average day I get 4-5 hrs of sleep and walk 6-10k steps plus working 9-10 hrs plus commuting plus adulting etc. :-| It’s crazy! My perspective of what could be accomplished with my time was really fucked to be quite honest.
Continuing to believe in love - Oh I believed….or did I? I’m actually not sure now as I type this. I met someone and I thought he could be something but we’re just in too different of places and alas I had to leave him where he was. I didn’t fully invest in dating because I didn’t want to “deal” with the lousy sides (ghosting, getting excited about fake potential) - so maybe I didn’t believe?! Hmm. That one warrants some introspection.
Leaning in.I think this one I actually aced in every avenue except love - I leaned in on my career, embracing changes, learning, modifying how I operate, being flexible and forming new friendships. At home I cooked more, learned the benefit of multi-tasking when cleaning and this year learned how to say no to social engagements that leave me feeling more drained than excited.
So the year was a low (which as Passenger has taught us in the song “only know you’ve been high when you’re feeling low - only hate the road when you’re missing home”) - accurate.
Now normally the “goal digger” side of me would set 5 goals for 2019. Concrete goals with timelines and stakeholders and milestones….but i’m flipping the fucking script on myself and not doing that. Holy mackerel, right? :)
Instead I’m choosing a word of the year and setting a few intentions that will become my guiding principle in decision making. If the choice I’m making doesn’t align with my intentions I’m saying no. I might be less popular or have less “likes” but trust me - I don’t care. This year has taught me that all the followers in the world don’t mean a thing if you don’t have people to lean on when things get rough. That old adage my lovely friend Meghan Watson taught me - 4 quarters > 100 pennies proves to be truer than ever.
So what is the word of the year? Courtesy of Derek - refocus! Perfection. My goals haven't changed, I just need to hone in and buckle down.
More clean eating
More exercise that makes me feel good without overdoing it
More sleep // downtime - embrace “hygge” (the amazing Danish word for cozy!)
More gratefulness, less comparison
Let's go 2019, I'm ready for you!